(no subject)

I feel just awful and I just don't know where to go to for moral support.

I am trying to come off my anxiety medication, but it's very difficult. Over several months I managed to get down t the lowest dose available (this is all under the supervision of my GP)but now I'm really struggling to come off this. he medication is not addictive, but I have been taking it for 2 years and my body is used to having those chemicals there. As such, the side-effect are pretty instense and unpleasant...rather like having a flu.

I feel really groggy and generally lacking in mental alertness, and people at home are getting frustrated with this.

The trouble is if I complain about feeling this way to Evan or my housemates they just tell me I should take my medication, which ultimately is not helping me because it means I will never get off it.

I just feel like crying right now. I'm trying so hard to do this, while still going to work and doing at least my fair share of the housework, but Evan and the others are getting annoyed by how slow and unresponsive I am. I can SORT OF see where they are coming from. I mean, if someone is feeling sick and acting really weak and ineffective and they know that taking a pill will fix this, then to some degree it is logical just to want that person to take the damn pill. But why can't they see it from my perspective? Isn't it reasonable to want to come off a medication after over two years, especially when you no longer have the need for it.

I want someone to tell me I'm doing a good job and to keep it up, but instead people just seem annoyed.

Yes, I did just post this in the hopes of getting virtual hugs...I am not ashamed of this!

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    depressed depressed

Introducing Olive

The first of my style personae (yes, I realise I spelt it wrong last post) I'd like to introduce you to is Olive.

Based on a nickname my Uncle gave me following a prank he played on me,Olive represents that part of myself that can best be described as "innocent to the point of naivety".

I've long had an interest in gamine fashion, and this style suits Olive to a T. This style persona also represents my love of all things girly, frilly, lacey and sweet!

Key icons, both real life and fictional, who inspire me for this look include:

- Audrey Hepbern (the prototypical gamine!)
- Amelie Pouline (the titular character of the film "Amelie")
- Pierette (Pierrot's counterpart from classical French and English pantomime)
- Olive Oyl (From Popeye, of course!)

So, here's a few potential looks I've thrown together.

This casual daytime outfit was inspired, of course, by the lovely Olive Oyl.I like the contrast of the red top with the bright yellow bag (mixing primary colours is fun!). I thought those knickers were too cute to resist.

A slightly dressier look. I would wear this when going out to lunch with friends or going to a matinee at the cinema.

I love, love, LOVE that scalloped blue coat, unfortunately it's several seasons old an no longer in stock :-(. A girl can still dream though...

Speaking of dreaming, here's some night-time attire for Olive. Of course our girly gamine wouldn't dream of going to bed without her favourite stuffed toy. Also, I could have sworn I've seen that sleep mask somewhere else before ;-)

Next week I'll we raiding my own wardrobe to see what similar looks I can come up with for myself.
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    chipper chipper

Rethinking my Personal Style

I've been pouring over "Nessbow's Guide to Developing your Personal Style" (by my dear friend, Vanessa, of and it's really inspired me to start thinking more about my own personal style.

I always thought I'd like to have a "signature style" one look that really defined me. After reading the Guide, though, and carefully considering all the factors, I realised that this concept just didn't suit me. My tastes are too ecclectic, whether it comes to films, books, interior design and, yes, fashion.

I was a little disheartened when I first came to this conclusion, it seemed to make the task of re-thinking my wardrobe that much more difficult! I finally hit on a fun way of confronting this problem...and here it is:

Throughout my life I've answered to various nicknames, and I have decided to attach a particular aspect of my personal style and tasted to each of these nicknames, effectively creating different personas that I could draw on for style inspiration to match my changing moods and tastes.

I'm going to start posting about these personas here. For each I'll post about the origins behind and inspirations for each style persona, some sample and "dream outfits" based on the syle principles of each persona, and finally some examples from my own wardrobe of how I can make these looks work for me.

Feedback is always appreciated. Wish me luck!
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    creative creative

F***ing Furries

I found this hilariously accurate depiction of the people who make up the furry fandom:

When I first discovered the furry fandom I was like one of these stereotypes in particular. Now I have changed into a combination of two of the others. Can you guess which three I'm talking about?

Imaginary cookies for anyone who guesses correctly!

(P.S. I don't know who drew the image. I found it on "Oh Internet!")
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    hyper hyper


Now that I have your attention...I'd like to talk to you about pornography.

Some researchers in the UK are doing an interesting a study about the everyday use of pornography based on the thoughts and opinions of consumers.

If you look at pornography, please follow this link and consider taking part in the survey:

And please, spread this link around! The more people who take part in the survey, the more comprehensive the results will be.


I love to look at interior design blogs and magazines but I have to say that I am just so FREAKING sick of this attitude that every single interior has to be painted WHITE. I accept that it can look nice, but seriously? Every time?

It's no longer "fresh". It's no longer "chic". It's just boring.

One of the first things I'm going to do when I get back to Melbourne is buy a big pot of paint. I'll leave white walls to the hipsters thank you very much.
Tired, Sleepy

Quarter of a Century.

I'm usually the type of person who gets RIDICULOUSLY excited about birthdays, Christmas and other holidays...but this year, even though a 25th birthday should be a bit of a milestone, I've had so much going on that I just haven't been feeling it.

On the plus side, one of the things I've got going on is...I'm moving back to Melbourne! I managed to secure my final 3-month rotation in the Graduate program with a Desk and Analysis Compliance team in Melbourne, and I'm hoping that by the end of the program they'll be willing to take me on permanently at the APS5 level.

Between tying to sort out removalists and carpet cleaners and dealing with my landlord I'm feeling so run down at the moment. It will all be worth it, though.

The first thing I'm going to do when I get back is buy some Fish and Chips. There isn't a single Fish and Chippery in Canberra!
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    tired tired

Four Things

I saw someone do this meme and it seemed kind of fun. I'm interested to hear what other people's "four things" are.

Four Jobs I've Had:
None of these are particularly exciting, but collectively they are surprisingly diverse.
- Cleaner. During high school I used to clean the office of one of the newspapers my Dad managed. Not a particularly interesting job, but it provided me with a bit of pocket money.
- English Tutor. During university I tutored three students from Primary and Secondary school in English. I ended up hating this job and deciding I would NEVER like to be a teacher.
- Apprentice Bookbinder.
-Public Servant.

Four Movies I Can Watch Over And Over:
There are many others that could be added to this list, but these four are perhaps the most demonstrably accurate.
- The Labyrinth. David Bowie as the Goblin Kind was my first and most enduring crush.
- Gaslight. A man marries a woman for alterior motives and then tries (and almost succeeds!) to systematically dive her insane. Also, the only film on my list that isn't intended for children!
- The Last Unicorn. The scene where Molly Grue confronts the unicorn for being absent most of her life still makes me want to cry.
- The Flight of Dragons. This film is entirely responsible for my life-long ob
session with dragons.

Four Places I've Lived:
I've been everywhere, man.
- Morwell, Victoria. About a year ago I went back to visit some family, and discovered that an icecream store that had been there since I was little was STILL THERE. You better believe I bought myself a cone of sweet, sweet nostalgia (ie. rainbow icecream)
- Richmond, New South Wales. Right near a RAAF base. You could actually see the pilots as the planes took off.
- Dawsville, Western Australia. Our home overlooked an estuary and some mornings you could sit on the balcony and watch the dolphins.
- Bonython, Australian Capital Territory. Bogans. As far as the eye can see.

Four TV Shows I Love:
There are dozens, and the top four can vary damatically depending on my mood and circmstnces. Currently I'm addicted to the following.
- Venture Brothers. Best cartoon. Ever!
- The Boondocks. I just finished watching this and wish there was more. What is it about the idea of a 10-year-old leftist revolutionary that tickles me so?
- Home Movies. I can't describe the awesomeness. Just watch it.
- Jonathan Creek. I'm re-watching this with Evan at the moment. This show is made even more entertaining when you watch QI and see what Alan Davies is actually like (ie. A cross between a puppy and an idiot)

Four Places I've Vacationed:
I have not been on a proper holiday in so long. Probably not since I was a kid and our family went to Queensland to go to the theme parks. I DID spend last Christmas with Evan's family and that was pretty cool, but I'm not convinced it counts. I'm currently saving up to go to Hong Kong with my mother for a few days (this will be my first time overseas!)

Four Of My Favorite Dishes:
- Lamb shanks in red wine sauce, served on a bed of mashed potatoes. To long since I've had this!
- Hedgehogs. Meat balls with rice throughout, served on a bed of rice and covered with thick tomato soup.
- Chicken and mushroom risotto. Evan made this last night and I had it cold for lunch today. Yum!
- Chicken curry pie.

Four Sites I Visit Daily
- eBay. This has replaced real-life window-shopping for me...especially seeing there are no interesting stores in Canberra. At all.
- Netbank. I'm obsessed with checking and rechecking my bank accounts to make sure I don't get overdrawn. It still happens on occasion, though.
- Hotmail. Checking my emails is another compulsion, even when I'm not expecting anything in particular.
- Furaffinity. There's some unpleasant and messed up stuff on that site, but my current three favourite artists post there on a (semi)regular basis, and there are a number of othe worthwhile artists besides.

Four things I like to do in my spare time.
- Reading! I read every night, on the weekends, and during lunch time at work. No other hobby brings me as much joy.
- Baking. I do this fairly regularly now, because our kitchen is TINY. I have a massive sweet tooth (sweet-sabertooth?) and there's something satisfying about making my own cakes etc. rather than buying them.
- Craft. Pretty generic term, I know. Lately I've been working on my bead-critters, but I've also been decorating some pillowcases with fabric paint based on an idea I got from an image on Apartment Therapy (
Spending time with Evan. Just talking, joking around, "hanging out". Being around Evan is, in my opinion, the best possible use of my spare time.
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    drunk light-headed

Burned Out

Back home early from Queensland. Things were slowing down in Brisbane so they were starting to send home those who weren't willing/able to head up further north to help in the recovery efforts following cyclone Yasi...and there was no way I was up for that!

Next time I say I'm going to do something like this,please someone slap me in the face. Sitting in a Centrelink office and being abused by people I am unable to help? Being faced with technical problems from a computer system I was not trained enough to deal with? Sitting in front of people who have lost everything but are ineligible for claims? No. Just no.

I have nothing but respect for those who can do this sort of work, but it sure isn't for me. Right now I no longer have the energy to care about anything or anyone.I'm just gonna sit here in front of my computer and watch Venture Brothers and eat icecream. Someone else can sort out the worries of the world.

Oh, and I got suckered into making regular donations to another charity while I was away.Gonna have to re-work my budget because I just can't say no.

I'm sick of being told what a good person I am when I'm actually doing bugger-all. Bleh.
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    sad burned out